S.A.D. not this year, try S.A.W.

The weekend started on Wednesday for me. I took a trip to CS for recruiting. David Z. and I rode separately, so I got to rent a sweet ride. I got a Cobalt, but it was red. No big deal because it is a Cobalt... or so I thought. I never new the roller coaster weekend I had in store.
Talk about being the ultimate idiot. I was on the phone with K Kid at about 2am, Thursday. As we were talking she said something about being us being in a relationship. To which I said, "We're in a relationship?" How dumb a statement was that?

Since I could not track Sandy down in CS, I went for sushi with Georgina and Arin. Afterwards, we saw ___ and then Arin and I turned in for the night. But not before enjoying concretes from Shakes. When we got back to her place, we stayed up for about an hour talking about texting and relationships. My opinion is that texting is too impersonal for relationships. It allows too many opportunities for 'outs. At this point, she said I should see He's Not That Into You. I said I would, but I would have to read the book first.I never felt so empty on a S.A.D as I did this year. This was not only do to the fact that I was single. Other events have added to this years depression.

First, I was pulled over by the police on my way from CS. I was talking on my phone (ear piece in use) with Greg when a trooper pulled behind me. He claimed I was speeding and I KNOW I wasn't, but I had not energy to argue and took it. I called Greg back and proceeded with the remainder of my journey home.Later that day, I could not get in touch with K. Her phone was out of commission. Instead I talked to her mom because I thought she may be feeling down during this weekend as well. Apparently, she has been unable to get in touch with K as well. Ain't that something. Well, we wished each other a good day and moved on.

I never really finished writing this story and I don't remember all of the events at this time.  I can summarize:

A week later, my car lost it transmission while coming home from a movie with Micah.  A tow truck took me home.  If repairs were more than $2000, I was going to get a new car.  This was the ultimate result.  I now drive a 2009 Chevrolet Cobalt named Flux!

A few weeks after that, I found that K did had 'issues' with monogamy.  To save my heart, I had to let that relationship go.  I think if her from time to time because she was kind.  But I don't think it was completely safe for me.  I have been rather guarded since. 

Sympathy... Empathy?

I don't think I am the best person to go to in a stressful situation. When called upon, I often question the judgment of those that have requested. I am not the one that gives a hug at the right time. I am not the one that says all of the words to make the pain go away. I often find myself thinking, "What can I do?" That is not saying that I am not helpful in a stressful situation. I am just not the absolute best person that will do everything that is dreamed of.

However, I do know what NOT to do in a stressful situation. My experiences in life have told me that this is not something that I learned form the people responsible for giving me life. I have always thought that some things come as instinct, but I have learned that sympathy and empathy may not come standard on God's human models.

There are many things that can happen when someone is in a stressful situation. These things can be psychological, physical and physiological. All in all, the wills are tested and breakdowns may be eminent. With this knowledge, I would think that it is an elementary fact that you do not want to meet a stressful situation with more stress. I now know that this assumption is sadly off base.

With that said... If you are dealing with someone that is stressed, the fact that you are right or wrong does not matter. Ultimately, the person just wants the situation resolved and will not praise you for your victory. They could care less. Furthermore, the person does NOT want to relive how you came upon your 'correct' conclusion. Especially. with a play-by-play in the heat of the moment. Arguments do not make the person feel better, nor does it take away from their already troubled mood.

"What's comin' will come, an' we'll meet it when it does."- Hagrid (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)

Die Another Day

We spend a good part of our lives in preparation. Maybe we are saving money. Maybe its a New Year's resolution. Maybe we study for life changing tests. We spend a great deal of time trying to shape the outcome of our lives. Thus, if the plans we make don't come true, we die inside.

When plans fail, we hurt... we die. The setback is one that we feel we will never recover from. Yet, when we finally do, we start preparing for the next thing. The vicious cycle continues. Not only do we live these lives, but we pass this behaviour to our youth. Now we have 14 year old boys with addictions to Starbucks to do well on a test. We have 16 year old girls that fight tooth and nail to be on top. Then, when they meet their road block...

I am no saint I am guilty of the same. But I have come to a realization. No matter what distance I run, what test I take, what book I read... No matter whether I live or die. Life will still go on. There are going to be cloudy days, but there are going to be sunny ones as well. There will be warmth and there will be bitter cold. No matter what, I will endure through them all. Until death, I have no choice but to live on.

"We just might be okay, afterall. Sun gon' shine on this day."- Lupe Fiasco

Times up?

When I started this entry, I was done. Emotionally drained, I was ready to give up on ASE. It was her birthday and I hadn't heard from her all day. I left a message telling her to call me (I wanted to finalize some plans) and got no response. I went to Meshallyn's surprise party and it was all that I could think of. The situation soon became the center of our discussion.

On my drive home, I decided I was done. This blog was gonna be the announcement that I was going to be single from this point on. It was going to be my declaration that I have officially given up on love and the pursuit of happiness. It seems that whenever I hold back, things go my way. When I decide to take the plunge, somethings shows me that it is not the right time, person, place...

That was what this entry was about until I checked facebook. Now, I think I take it all back. Now, I am singing a new song (Mr. A to Z). At least for the time being. Did I act in haste. Did I let it get to me for no reason. Matters of the heart can really suck! Hopefully, I will go to sleep and things will be different tomorrow.

"El amor no es un sentimiento, es un habilidad."- Dan in Real Life (Marty Barasco)

Be like Blockbuster

Recently, I have had a few social setbacks. I attempted to become a hermit, only to be drawn out into the public eye once again. However, reality has shown me that be social can have its consequences on focus. Thus, I have been forced back into hiding once again.

To further put salt in the wound, it seems like I may have been stood up this evening by ASE. My feelings are VERY hurt. Specifically, because I spent most of last evening telling my sister how excited I was about the whole week. I guess tonight is down the tubes, but hopefully this weekend (the last weekend out) will prove to be nice.

On the other hand, Yesterday, I spent time with Giovanni, in quite the spur of spontaneity. We saw Seven Pounds at Northpark, then ate at Kona Grill and caught up on each other's lives. Hopefully, I have regained a friend.

As an avid movie watcher, I make very frequent visits to my local Blockbuster video. I must say, I wish more people were like Blockbuster employees. Awhile back, I made my first friend at Blockbuster, Vanessa. Though I think she is just a naturally friendly person, she always seems to make me feel welcome in her day- one obviously filled with numerous people coming and going. A very recent visit proved just how nice she can be because she showed concern about my recent injury and was delighted that my condition was improving.

I was taken aback during a previous visit to my local store. As I stood ready to check out, the cashier (not Vanessa) felt it imperative to share with me the changes in renting policy. Apparently, "No more late fees" has slightly been modified. Though she may have shared this with many people, I felt a bit more special because it seemed as though she was trying to ensure that I was not unknowingly taken advantage of.

Finally, I have found that the employees have been open and honest about the reviews of movies. As I pushed a copy of "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2" across the counter, the cashier (who shall remain nameless) commented that the movie was good, but a bit disappointing compared to the book. She may have been right. I didn't read the book, but the second installment of this movie was not as good as the first.

So why do I bring this up now. The way things have been going for me socially, I wish that some were more like the employees of Blockbuster:

• Be a bit courteous when someone goes out of their way to include you in their plans (however slight the inclusion my be.)
• Be honest about the way things are.
• Show a bit of concern regarding others' enjoyment.

"I hope that you realize that any foolish passion for you on my part is entirely over. I am looking to the future."- North & South

The Family Unit

I spent a great deal of time with family during this holiday season. This is a rarity for me because I typically don't like to be around these people for much of an extended period. I suppose this is because as a kid, being around extended family means more people with the right to tell you what to do. Now that I am older, it seems that the roles have change.

In the years after my grandmother's death, my aunt Wacy has been the Holiday Season Host. We all gather at her home to exchange gifts, eat, talk and try to have a good time. Though we rarely have a horrible time, it is like pulling teeth for me to go.

This years event was oddly fulfilling. I was pleased to see family that I hadn't seen in quite some time. I even became reacquainted with family members that I had forgotten about. There were members that I could have done without. There were people there that I least expected to see.

What I found most interesting was the family dynamic. Sociologist dedicate their lives to understanding how groups react to one another. This weekend, I found myself being an amateur sociologist. I spent a great deal of time looking at the relationships each of us have toward one another. This helped me to rationalize issues of 'how we got to where we are today.'

I started this entry writing about my niece, but it ended differently. I suppose I will have to save that entry for another day. In the meantime, here is her photo.

"Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place."- Zach Braff (Garden State)

Things just got real...

Sometimes, you will find things will get heavy in this blog. However, I never thought they would ever get this heavy. As a courteous blogger, I feel it is proper to warn you that the following is quite serious.

We constantly talk about what we can do for ourselves and what the government should help us with. Some want government intervention in one area, but not in another. When is it really proper to depend on your government and when should we "pull ourselves up by our boot straps." Unfortunately, we can leave ourselves to hang with those very same boot straps.

Some may question what I am referring to. In a rare instance, names have been changed to protect those I love. I know a young lady who had a near perfect childhood. Aside from the inheritance of a slight psychological disorder, she should have been able to live on her own as an adult. However, when that time came she was clearly not prepared.

She had no clear plans and no true direction with what her life should be after the age of eighteen. Now, she is 21 with three children (3 months - 2 years). Furthermore, she has been forced out the home of her parents. This also forced her to live with her 'baby daddy' (though they are not together.) I failed to mention that this is an abusive situation (plagued with unreported incidences). She works two jobs to make ends meet, with zero support from her 'roommate'.

Part of me wants to tell her to file reports on her deadbeat roommate. Then, she should move out (or have him move out) taking the kids with her. She would be a prime candidate for section eight housing. After that, she can file for child support and a raise the three children on her own.

The problem with this solution is her slight disorder. It ordinarily can cause heightened stress and confusion. This combined with raising three kids is a deadly cocktail. While trying to attain assistance, it is quite possible that the government would take her children away. Family wants to step in and help, but three children will not fit into their current lifestyles. So, what does she do? What can they do?

"One finger won't make an impact, but you ball all those fingers into a fist, and you can strike a mighty blow. Now, this family has got to be that fist."- Irma P. Hall (Soul Food)