9.12.08

Straight from the Bible- Part 2

A few weeks ago, I asked my Sunday school class for God to give me patience and endurance. Who knew that that would be tested in more ways than one.

Being immobile and dependent on other has given me a new outlook on being able bodied. I had to depend on Pepe to take me to and from work. I had to depend on Devashree and Wiggs to help me prepare my lunch... prepare my lunch! I felt ridiculous. During this, I made up my mind that I was going to be walking on my own by Monday.

All weekend I worked hard in hopes that I could give Pepe a call and tell him that I would be driving myself to work (or even better, riding the train again). I spent all Friday night nursing my leg with warmth and massages. I spent Saturday testing my 'walking'. The big test came about 4pm when I had to test my driving skills. I passed that test (though not with flying colors). There was minimal pain so, I felt comfortable telling Pepe that I could take it from here.

I was so proud of myself as I drove in to work at my normal (early) time. I set up and got started on my tasks for the day. I was feeling great. That is, until about lunch time. I began to feel fatigue and pain in my leg. This time, the pain shot from my knee all the way to my heal. I tried to muster a smile as co-workers made comments like, "We still think you are faking", "Walk it off" and "Its just shin splints." I just told myself that there is no way they could know how much pain I was truly in.

Things got worse at about 2pm when the doctor's office called me to schedule more tests. I wanted to be able to tell them that I was healing nicely and there was no need. However my hope was clouded by reality. Then reality hit when I was told the cost and time it would take to perform the tests. I start freaking out. I don't like hospitals and I didn't want to have to pay for the tests. I scheduled them for Wednesday after work and sat sulking at my desk for the remainder of the day.

That evening, I was supposed to go to Margarita Ranch (right, me out... on a weekday) but chose to go home and wallow in self pity. I wouldn't say I threw a party, but my place was pretty miserable. Even watching Heroes did not bring me joy. I went to bed early in hopes that rest would turn my mood around.

I wake each morning with the same thing in mind. "Today is the day I walk." I am usually let down. This morning, however, was not complete disappointment. Basically, I was at a level at which I could get around if I had cane. Hope began to rear its head once more. I went to work feeling a bit more upbeat then the previous day. I still had the fear of more tests, but I tried to look past that.

It was not until I got home that my I truly felt major improvement. Walking to the kitchen from your bedroom with a small limp may not be much to the average person. However, to someone that yearns to run again, it means the world. At 7:30pm tonight, my hope was restored!

Though I am afraid, I will still have the tests performed tomorrow. But now, I hope that they show nothing but me healing properly. I don't care if it was shin splints, muscle strain or even a splinter. I just hope to be told that I am recovering properly and this will never be a problem again as long as I don't try the same thing again.

"... there has never been anything false about hope."- Barack Obama

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